


and so i'll say that it's all fine

by ace8013



Series: too early to say goodbye [2]
Category: Young Avengers (Comics)
Genre: Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Sibling Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-27 00:50:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17756654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ace8013/pseuds/ace8013
Summary: tommy misses his brother.





	and so i'll say that it's all fine

**Author's Note:**

> betaed by the wonderful wiccaning luv u
> 
> title is from the song alright alright by havelin

“tommy.”’ kate trailed off. “i'm so sorry.” she swallowed back a sob, stepping forward to pull him into a hug.

 

he recoiled at her touch like it was poison, pulling away before she could even reach him. “no,” he whispered, barely loud enough for her to hear. 

 

he stumbled backward, away from kate away from the team, away from everyone and everything. time slowed down, and the world stopped around him as he turned around rapidly and sunk to his knees.

 

he hadn't gone far. they were still there. 

 

he couldn't move. he couldn't speak. he couldn't breathe. 

 

the world, where it had been frozen in place above him, came plummeting down, breaking over his head, and smashing into an infinite number of pieces on the ground.

 

oh god.

 

this wasn't right. this wasn't okay.

 

it felt as though someone had reached into his chest and ripped something out. there wasn't pain just a numb aching loneliness. he felt empty. like someone has taken one of his limbs, ripped it straight from his body. he supposes his brother had been just that, a part of him.

 

his entire body burned with a feeling of isolation, and the knowledge it wouldn't ever be the same again.

 

and he began to cry. thick, choking sobs, trying to hold them back and not make a sound, gallons of water rushing down his face. he covered his face with his hands.

 

\--

 

he'd never had anyone before. his parents didn't love him, he never had anything real, anyone who cared. billy was so quick to accept that they were brothers, it was unsettling. and tommy acted distant, but it was nice. it was nice to know someone was always gonna be there, to know he had someone.

 

billy's family too. they loved him, like he was their own, because their son loved him like a brother. god, with everything they went through, how they must've loved billy.

 

oh god. this isn't right, this isn't okay. 

 

who's going to tell them? who's going to look rebecca and jeff in the eyes and tell them their loved, sweet baby boy was gone? 

 

tommy knew the answer. it was going to end up being him. no one but he and teddy were comfortable enough with the kaplan's to even broach that topic.

 

and teddy couldn't do it. this had all been too much for him to handle. he was angry, and sad, and hurt all at once, all of his emotions were wrapped up into a big teddy shaped tangle. 

 

and god help him, he couldn't let rebecca kaplan near  _ that. _

 

so tommy was going to have to tell them. that their son was never coming home. that he  _ killed himself. _ and that there was probably something someone could've done to stop it. that he didn't have to go. 

 

there was no point in denying it when kate told him, like teddy had, because it was the only explanation for the hollow feeling he'd been having in his chest, just next to his heart.

 

part of him had been ripped away. and he couldn't live like this.

 

\--

 

“tommy, honey, it's so good to see you.” rebecca soothed. she had that effect on people, she could make you feel relaxed. it was one of the scariest things about her in tommy's opinion. being relaxed felt wrong to him, like something had crawled under his skin and possessed him, taken over his life.

 

“son, where's your brother?” jeff asked stepping forward making to give tommy a hug. he lets it happen this time, and before he knows it he's crying silently into jeff's shoulder.

 

“sweetheart what's wrong?” rebecca asked coming forward and running her fingers through his hair at the nape of his neck, while jeff still had his arms wrapped tight around tommy.

 

“i'm so sorry,” he whispered through hiccups, muffled in jeff's shoulder.

 

“why are you sorry tommy? there's no reason to be sorry,” rebecca eased pulling him from jeff's arms and into her own.

 

“he's gone,” tommy choked, no doubt drooling into rebecca's blouse, “and we could've stopped him, we could've stopped it-” 

 

“shhh,” rebecca cut him off rubbing his back, “it's okay, honey, it's okay.” 

 

but he could feel her tears dripping down against the side of his head and landing on his shoulder. he could feel her body shaking as she tried to sob silently, to grieve for her young son, while comforting another.

 

jeff wrapped the two of them in his arms and tommy knew he was crying too.

\---

 

no, things wouldn't ever be the same again. teddy took solace in being alone, and tommy didn't stop him. it upset kate but there wasn't much they could do and she knew it.

 

tommy took solace in spending more time with the younger kaplan boys, and spending more time with david. there wasn't a day when he didn't wish he had had time to talk to billy about that whole situation. he was confused about how he felt about david and he knew, like he knew there was an aching vacant space in his chest, he knew billy would've understood. billy would've been able to help.

 

billy always understood just what tommy couldn't put into words.

 

tommy found himself angry with teddy once. pietro had told tommy over their weekly phone call, what teddy had roped his mother into. pietro wasn't thrilled. neither was tommy.

 

billy's brothers, no, they were tommy's brothers too, didn't understand at first. what did tommy mean? why isn't billy coming home? is teddy gonna be okay? tommy couldn't bring himself to say the words, “he's dead.” jeff did it for him, later, pulling the boys aside before dinner.

 

kate was miserable. she wouldn't even look at tommy's face. he understood why. she came by everyday, to check on teddy. so did rebecca, but tommy had given up on teddy a while ago. he knew that teddy wasn't ever going to be the same.

 

kate never gave up on anyone. not even teddy. not until the very end.

 

hearing kate's scream made his blood freeze. running to teddy's room and seeing him motionless, staring aimlessly into nothing, shattered his body. 

 

why did everyone have to go in the end? except this wasn't supposed to be the end. they were too young. they were supposed to live their lives together, happier than tommy would ever be

 

it hurt to explain to the kaplans that they had lost a son, a brother, and it hurt even more to express they'd lost another.

 

it pained him to admit, it would've hurt more for teddy to keep living without living. he wasn't teddy. not anymore.

 

nothing would ever be the same.

  
  
  



End file.
